Seek First to Understand - Penny Tremblay, Northern Lights Presentations

Seek First To Understand

Communication is the key to successful relationships with those around us, such as our clients, coworkers, bosses, spouses, children, and neighbours. If we break down the model of communication, there is a sender and a receiver. The receiver should actively listen to what is being said and provide some type of feedback to the sender to convey that they have understood the message.

Listening is to hearing
what seeing is to reading.

When someone is talking are you just hearing or are you really listening?

Hearing is merely one step in the listening process. Other important processes include receiving, organizing, interpreting and responding to what has been heard. Active listening is hard work and requires your full attention. The human mind is capable of thinking up to 1000 words per minute, yet speaks at only one third that rate. So we have extra brainpower to think other stuff right? Wrong. The extra power can be effectively used to interpret, organize, empathize and form a response to what has been said.

Evaluate yourself the next time someone important in your life is talking to you. Are you thinking of a different subject? Are you thinking of what you will say next? Many people are ‘ping pong communicators’ whereby one person talks, then the next person talks, continuing back and forth. This is what I call the 'dialogue of the deaf' because after all, no one is really listening. People are just taking turns talking.

Have you ever said something similar to this, “I don’t understand (a certain person), (he or she) won’t listen to me.”? This is a common complaint between two people, but the reality is that you don’t understand (a certain person) because you aren’t deeply listening to them.

If you really want to build rich relationships, take the time for deep listening. You can have a conversation with someone, listen to what they have to say, ask them questions about what they have said to help you understand, or encourage them to continue the conversation. What you are doing is satisfying the greatest need of the human spirit – the need to feel understood.

Recently I was consulting with a client. I asked her to tell me about her business goals. She began. I listened. She continued. I asked questions to encourage her. Who… What… When…Where… Why… and How… The conversation went on for about an hour. When the meeting ended, my client said “Thank you so much Penny, you are such a great conversationalist”. Although I appreciated the compliment, the truth is that all I did was deeply listen. My client felt understood, appreciated, validated and confident.

Deep listening is lacking in our everyday relationships. Be conscious and aware of what you are doing and thinking when it’s very important for you to actively listen. I can guarantee that your life will be enriched by your ability of seeking first to understand, and second to be understood.

Best wishes for active listening and rich relationships.

Penny

Penny Tremblay, ACG,CL
President and Director of Education
Northern Lights Presentations

We’ve spent years learning how to read and write and speak. But what about Listening? What training have you had recently that enables you to deeply listen so that you understand another person from their frame of reference? To help you, Penny Tremblay offers a seminar on the sole subject of Effective Listening. Respond to sign up for our next public day (class is limited to 12 participants) or to bring this seminar to your workplace.

How can I help you? Penny is a consultant committed to helping individuals and organizations achieve their goals with training and motivation. She can be reached through www.pennytremblay.com